Rule Sixty Glee
by Dakota Cheyenne
Summary: A retelling/reimagining of the show by gender-swapping everyone.


The Beginning of New Directions

Hey guys! Welcome to **Rule Sixty-Glee**, my very first **Glee** fanfiction. Now, I do not own any of the characters of **Glee**; they are the sole property of their owners. This will be the last time I write this disclaimer, but an additional disclaimer will appear at the end of each chapter regarding songs that appear in that chapter. Now, enjoy _The Beginning of New Directions_.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

Hello, World. My name is Ross Gene Berry and soon you will know my name. My goal in life is to go to New York and be a Broadway actor. Now, I know what everyone at this hellhole I call a school would say: "Do you eat dick, too? You can practice on mine." Being the son of two women myself, I find that highly offensive, but it doesn't matter. In four years I'm getting out of this town. I've been working toward this goal since my uncle's sperm hit my mama's egg, whether it be lunges at five in the morning, singing "One Song Glory" for the millionth time, or investing my Bar Mitzvah money so I can get a one-room studio on 54th street. So screw the Quinn Fabrays and the Carlos Lopezes and the Brian Pierces and all the dumb girls that follow them around. In the musical of my life, they won't even be ensemble members. There's just one problem.

No, it's not the blue stain on my beige sweater. Stupid Noa Puckerman. The former McKinley Glee coach Sandy Ryerson didn't recognize my talent; so I let it slip to Principal Figgins that she was having inappropriate relations with Henny Saunders. Well, she was fired immediately, which I thought was best for the entire school…unfortunately this also lead to the elimination of the Glee club. But one thing you should know about me: Ross Berry always finds a way. I'm going to restart Glee club if it kills me!

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

"Figgins shut down Glee club?"

Wilma Schuester sits in the teachers' lounge with Ernie Pillsbury and Davina Martinez. She heard about Sandy getting fired, but getting rid of the entire club seems extreme.

"That's what's being said" says Ernie as he rubs a cloth over his grape, "It was also kind of a relief for Figgins; she hated spending the money on it."

"That's a shame" says Davina as she takes a bite out of her sandwich, "My family didn't have a lot of money to go out, so we would sing to entertain ourselves."

"Not to mention how Glee club makes you feels." Wilma stands up, slamming her hands on the table and fighting back a wave of nausea. "Glee club was the best part of high school for me. It's not right for Figgins to shut it down like this!"

"Don't see why," says Kenya Tanaka as she comes and sits next to her boyfriend Ernie, "I mean, I love my girls but the Cheerios suck. I mean, except for Mickey Chang, none of them have any rhythm. At least Fiona Hudson is personable enough to be the head cheerleader. Maybe if we were treated like the Titans the girls would be more enthusiastic."

"Then maybe you should win more."

The group looks up and sees Sue Sylvester in a blue jumpsuit. "I mean honestly" he continues, "I've seen three-legged dogs with more rhythms than your girls. My guys can hype the crowd up on their own with their six championships, but it's embarrassing being associated with coke-addicted monkeys pretending to be cheerleaders-"

"That's enough, Sue!" Wilma glares at him. "The Cheerios work hard at their routines. It doesn't matter how good there are, as long as they put their hearts into it."

"Spoken like a true loser, Wilma." Sue squeezes between her and Davina, "That's attitude is probably why you want to restart the Glee club. I for one, thinks that it's unfair for you to actually ask students to join that hellhole. You might as well paint a bull's eye on their chests; they're going to be the pariahs of the schools. And I think it's selfish for you to set those kids up just to relive your glory days in Glee club. The only history you should be focused on is the type you teach in class."

"Whatever, Sue." Wilma heads for the door. "This school needs a Glee club, and I'm going to get it back."

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

"But Principal Figgins-"

"Schue, my decision is final, regardless of what you and the Berry Boy say." Figgins clasps her fingers and leans on her shoulders. "With the low attendance and less-than-stellar showings at competitions, the school can't afford to continue it. Ryerson was just the nail in the coffin."

"Well, maybe there would be enough money if you shorten the Titans budget-"

Figgins raises a finger. "The Titans are six-time champions. Do you know the prestige that brings to our school? Plus, many of our guys get scholarships to high-ranking NCAA programs. Hardly anyone gets a Glee scholarship, and even if they do, they don't continue it."

Wilma looks down. Figgins has a point. August O'Neal…Brianna Ryan…herself. None of them made any impact in music or theatre after high school. Regardless, their failures shouldn't inhibit the students from experiencing Glee.

"How about we make a deal?" Wilma starts, "How about I run the Glee club, free of charge? We'll use the material we have available to us and not ask the school for anything. Maybe I can change your mind about funding the club if we win Sectionals?"

Figgins folds her arms. "What you and your members do in your spare times is up to you. As for funding, I can't make any promises. So, if you can find students to join, then you can have your Glee club."

"Thank you so much, Principal Figgins." The motion forward forces Wilma's lunch up, but she holds it back.

"Are you okay?"

Wilma nods and heads to the closest bathroom.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

Excuse me, star coming through. Oh, you don't know my name? I'm Bentley Jones, a.k.a. Lil' Luthor but I love it when you call me Big Poppa. Okay, okay, for real, though? I'm the next big thing. In ten years everybody's going to know my name. I'm going the biggest R&B crossover artist ever. Then all of the ladies will be on me. Not that I couldn't get girls now; I'm just not trying. Anyway, it looks like the Glee club is returning…the perfect opportunity to show my skills.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

Elizabeth Kurt Hummel. Lizzy for short. Trained car mechanic, sports enthusiast, closeted theatre fan. Heh, heh, closeted. Anyway, you may not know it with my short hair and suit vest, but I love the theatre. In fact, sometimes I dream about being onstage. I could just as easily be a Maria or an Evita, but I don't have Maria or Evita looks. Oh well, I can just open a car repair shop like my dad wanted to before he…but this Glee club looks fun. I can live out my Broadway dreams in high school.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

2nd period English. Rita Abrams' most hated class. Not that I'm bad at English or anything; I love it actually. One day, I'm going to be the female Steven Spielberg, so if I read a book that'll make a good movie, I'll practice writing a script around it. The only problem is that the English class is on the second floor. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I have to use the cramp service elevator to get up there. If that wasn't enough, I sometimes have to look out for less-sympathetic able-bodied people. Today, Puckerman nearly pushed me down the stairs; if Fiona didn't stop her, I would've been messed up. Well, no point in dwelling on something that didn't happen. Hmm, auditions for Glee Club. Well, one day I do plan on directing a musical. Maybe this'll show me the ropes.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

My name is Tim Cohen-Chang. My name is Tim Cohen-Chang. Oh, sorry for the repetition. It's so easy to be swept into the student population of McKinley that you might forget yourself. I won't however; I'm the son Chinese Jews, my father adopted by a Jewish family and my mother a Kaifeng Jew, as well as a lover of the macabre. Still, I don't mind being unnoticed. Being the center of attention makes me nervous. While I was with Rita today, I saw the audition sheet for the Glee Club. Rita urged me to audition with her. I was hesitant at first, but ultimately put my name under hers. I love to sing, and maybe the others will take more of the attention.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

Wilma sits in the auditorium and watches the auditions. The first is Bentley Jones.

"Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby/ You said you'd coming back this way again, baby/ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, oh, baby/ I love you/ Yeah, I really do."

Next is Lizzy Hummel.

"Goodbye Johanna/ You're gone and yet you're mine/ I'm fine Johanna/ I'm fine."

Afterwards, Rita Abrams.

"Real love, I'm searching for a real love/ Someone to set my heart free/ Real love, I'm searching for a real love."

Then, Tim-Cohen Chang.

"I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord/ And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord/ Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord?/ Oh Lord."

Finally, there is Ross Berry.

"That I'm your man and you're my girl/ That I'm the sea and you're the pearl/ It takes two, baby, it takes two."

Wilma couldn't believe her ears. These kids are amazing. She didn't have to think twice about making them apart of the Glee club. Speaking of which, Wilma needs to come up with a name for the club. Swallows? Music Nation? The McKinley Sound? She decides to ponder on it later. Right now, she focuses on something else: there are two girls and three guys currently in the club, and she wants to find another girl to even it out. Before auditions, she offered a position to Henny Saunders, but she said that wouldn't ever do anything with Ross Berry. Okay, then. Wilma is on her way to put up more flyers for at least one more girl when she hears someone singing in the hallway. Immediately, she knew that she found her girl.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

There he goes. Quinn always walks away when he's mad. He's walked away a lot. Today, he's angry about my algebra; he spent all night helping me study for my test, and I still got a D on it. Does he think I want to fail? Does he think I want to be kicked off of the Cheerios? I'm sorry I can't be smart, talented, perfect Quinn Fabray. I'm just stupid, gangly, Fiona Hudson. If only Mom was here. Now she was the perfect woman. She was even a war hero. Then, ten years ago, she went to sleep and never woke up. Don't cry, don't cry. I know, I can sing a song that always brings me up.

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

"99 Luftballons/ Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont/ Hielt man fuer UFOs aus dem All/ Darum schickte ein General-"

"You do know that is about nuclear warfare, right?"

Fiona jumps at the sound, dropping her test and bumping into Wilma. "I didn't know that, Mrs. Schue."

"Well, you learn something new every" Wilma responds as she picks up Fiona's test and gives it her. "You have a nice voice, Fiona."

"Oh, it's not that big of a deal."

"I'm serious. Your voice is great, but it lacks finesse. If you join the Glee club, I can help you refine it."

Fiona pokes out her lips and sighs. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Schue, but I'm too busy with school and the Cheerios to join Glee club."

Wilma watches Fiona head down the hall. "Fiona, do you need help with your math?"

Fiona stops and turns around. "My boyfriend Quinn is helping me."

Wilma nods her head; she knows all about the star quarterback Quinn Fabray. "Mr. Fabray doesn't seem like the most patient person. If you want, I can tutor you instead."

"Are you bribing me?"

"Not at all. I'll help you with you math every day after Glee practice, and you don't have to give me anything."

The corners of Fiona's mouth go up. "Thanks Mrs. Schue. I'll see you after school."

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

"I can't believe you're doing this."

Wilma's husband Terry Schuester paces behind the bathroom door; he didn't like that she restarted the Glee club, and Wilma is going to hear about it.

"You're going to start a club that no one likes and that you're not even getting paid for. I mean, if you were going to do something extra, at least get paid for it. You know, Wilma, I think you need to let go of the past. I know that it was the bee's knees when you were in it, but your obsession with it is scaring me. Now, I know how you feel; I held on to my past as captain of the football team for a while- but I got over it, and you should too."

Wilma rolls her eyes as she sits on the toilet seat. That's Terry, always taking it too far. And not holding on to his past? The only reason why Terry gave up football is because a knee injury in college put an end to his football career. Now, with no other skills, he became an insurance agent and a grouchy glutton to boot. He had gained a hundred pounds since high school. Ignoring him, Wilma looks at the plastic between her fingers, dropping it out of shock.

She opens the bathroom door, stopping Terry mid-knock. "I'm pregnant."

Terry's scowl turns into a grin and swings her around. "We're having a baby! Oh, Wilma, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Terry." Wilma isn't as excited as Terry, but she doesn't know why. She has wanted kids all her life, and now she's having one. Still, something is off.

"Now you have to stop Glee club" Terry says as he puts Wilma down, "With your history and economics classes, also doing Glee club will put stress on the baby."

"I guess you're right" says Wilma as Terry starts nuzzling her neck.

"Let's forget about all of that and celebrate the good news."

"Okay" says Wilma, being led to the bedroom

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

Fiona creeps into the choir room, not wanting to disturb the Glee members. Unfortunately, the members stop talking amongst each other and look at her.

"Fiona" says Rita as she rolls towards her, "What are you doing here?"

"Yes" responds a boy, Ross Berry Fiona thinks, icily, "What are you doing here?"

Taken aback, Fiona responds slowly. "I just wanted to thank Mrs. Schue for the math help she gave me."

"Are you thinking about joining the Glee club?" pipes in Lizzy, "We need someone like you on our team."

"No we don't" sneers Ross, "The last thing we need is Quinn Fabray's trophy wife."

Fiona slams her hands onto the piano. "I can sing anything you can. Name a song and I'll sing it."

"Please. You're no Patti LuPone or Barbra Streisand or even a Britney Spears. I could give you 'Don't Cry for me Argentina' or 'Angel of Music', but your voice would explode on the first note. How about 'Don't Stop Believin''?"

A smile crosses Fiona's face. "I love that song." Then, she stands away from the others. "Just a small town girl/ Livin' in a lonely world/ She took the midnight train/ Goin' anywhere."

Ross cuts in, to the astonishment of the other members. "Just a city boy/ Born and raised in South Detroit/ He took the midnight train/ Goin' anywhere."

It doesn't bother Fiona; she just continues singing. Ross sings along, circling her to apparently throw her off. Stifling a laugh, Fiona circles him as well. The others decide to harmonize in the background. For the first time since she began high school, Fiona is having fun.

When they finish the song, everyone but Ross run over to congratulate her. Ross folds his arms, surprise running across his face. "I am inclined to apologize to you. Your voice is not that bad, Fiona."

"Thanks. And your voice is amazing."

The sound of clapping makes the students turn around. "You all sounded great" says Wilma as she walks in, "So Fiona, how do you like the Glee club?"

"I think it's great, Mrs. Schue. Can I join if it's not too late?"

Wilma smiles. "Of course, Fiona. Welcome to New Directions."

(Rule Sixty-Glee)

This is the end of the first chapter of **Rule Sixty-Glee**. Now for the song disclaimers: this chapter contained lyrics from "Superstar" by Luthor Vandross, "Johanna Reprise" from **Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street**, "Real Love" by Mary J. Blige, "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins, "It Takes Two" from **Hairspray**, "99 Luftballoons" by Nena, and "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. This chapter has a lot of mental asides; these will mostly disappear after chapter two. I hope you've enjoyed this and stay tune for the next chapter!


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